The Look, The Conversation, and the Message I Didn’t Expect

I almost didn’t bring it up.

Not because I didn’t think it mattered. Not because I didn’t have something to say. But because there’s always that moment, you know the one, where you pause and ask yourself, is this the right space for this? And honestly, sometimes that pause saves you. But sometimes that pause is just fear dressed up as good judgment.

This time, I decided to keep going.

March 21st was the International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination. I didn’t know about this day until four years ago. And I’m willing to bet most people reading this didn’t know it either which is actually part of the point.

I was introduced to the day through an employee resource group at my job. This year, they went further than usual. They created materials, held a train the trainer session, and put real intention behind it. I didn’t make the training, but I watched both videos. One of them was short. A minute and forty-four seconds. And it stopped me.

It was about the “look.” That particular look some people give when you walk into a room and you don’t quite fit what they were expecting. The look that holds a bias before a single word is spoken. I’ve been on the receiving end of that look more times than I can count. Seeing it named and described so simply just hit different.

I lead a pretty diverse team. Nobody on my team really looks like me, and honestly, I’m not sure anyone looks quite like each other either. So when our regular meeting came around and we got to that space where we share something supportive or meaningful with the team, I decided to use it.

I opened with: “Safe space. This is a space for conversation, whether it gets comfortable or not.”

I could feel them wondering what was coming.

I asked if anyone had heard of the International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination. No one had. I told them what it was, shared that our company recognizes it, and then I said — I want to show you this video and just talk about it.

One minute and forty-four seconds.

When it ended, someone said, “Oh, good video.” And I wasn’t totally sure how to read that in the moment. But then something shifted. People started talking. One person started reflecting on their own experience immigrating to this country, things they’d heard, things their child had been exposed to, how their kid moves through the world differently because of it. And then someone else brought up something I wasn’t expecting at all: the maternal mortality rate for Black women versus white women. They’d read something about it recently.

That opened a whole other door.

I talked about systemic issues in healthcare. I brought up something that feels almost too simple to be as serious as it is and that is the fact that most medical photography and research imagery is based on lighter skin tones. So when something presents on darker skin, it can look completely different. Get missed. Get dismissed. Get misdiagnosed. Something that straightforward can cost someone their life.

I kept it short. I thanked them for being open, for letting me bring that into our space. I told them we can all self-educate, and we should, but I’m always open to a good conversation. I left the door open for more if they wanted it.

You never quite know how something lands until it does.

The next morning, I got a message from one of my team members who had been on the call virtually. They thanked me for creating that space. And then they said something that stayed with me:

In 18 years with this company, I’ve never had a conversation like that.

Eighteen years.

My first reaction was wow. My second reaction was to really sit with what that means. Because it’s not just about this person. It’s about the spaces a lot of us occupy where these conversations simply don’t come up. Where everyone around the table may share enough in common that it never feels necessary. Or urgent. Or safe enough to try.

And here’s the thing, I almost let my own discomfort make that decision for me.

I’m not writing this to tell you what to talk about or when. I’m writing this because I think a lot of us are standing in that pause — that moment right before we decide it’s not the right space, not the right time, not our place to bring something like this up.

Maybe it is your place. Maybe that pause is the only thing standing between someone and their first conversation on an important topic in 18 years.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to open the door.

This is the kind of conversation I hope to carry into every space I’m in, including the one I’m building at NaRose Designs Studio, where community and connection aren’t just words.

To safe spaces and open conversation!

Here is the link to The Look video. Would love for you to share your comments.